So, the latest piece of shit news to come from the conveyor belt of shit news that is summer 2016, is that hummus is bad for you.
Apparently these little pots of heaven are laced with more fat and salt than is strictly healthy, according to the fun police over at CASH (Consensus Action on Salt and Health).
Which means we should all be making conscious steps to shop smarter, and to cut the crap hidden amongst the chickpeas, tahini, lemon juice, olive oil, and all the other magical ingredients that make up the greatest culinary treat we pathetic humans have ever been gifted.
In case you haven’t guessed it, I’m a hummus fan. An avid one. I once got asked on a date by a beautiful Australian while I was dithering between Moroccan Spice and Sundried Tomato hummus. I’m literally eating it right now (hummus, not the beautiful Aussie.)
I live with a gluten intolerant vegan yoga instructor called India. We are the most wanky pair of millennials you could ever hope to meet. We invite people for dinner every week and they are always blown away by the things we can do with a sweet potato and a handful of quinoa, but invites to other people’s homes are few and far between – our dietary requirements are just a little too daunting.
But you know what the simple solution is? Hummus! Of course it’s hummus. Put that steak back on the grill, it’s fine, a pot of hummus and a stack of raw vegetables will give us enough sustenance (probably all that naughty fat) to see us through until we can get to the nearest M&S salad aisle.
According to CASH, the worst culprit in the dip department is caramelized onion hummus, with around 1.6g of salt per 100g. That’s no great loss – it tastes like the scrapings of a Mediterranean veg roasting tray anyway and is a sorry excuse for a dip.
Taramasalata, unsurprisingly, also ranks pretty highly on the salt scale. Seeing as it’s mostly fish eggs and salt water whizzed together, this shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.
Sonia Pombo, nutritionist and campaign manager for CASH, said: “Food companies need to take action and reduce both the salt and fat content in dips.” NO, SONIA. NO. Don’t mess with perfection. The alternative for pre-drink snacks is half a Ristorante pizza and a handful of Doritos, and that is far, far worse.
Hummus is the glue that holds lives together. You know when you make that phone call to your mate who just had their heart broken and they’re a mess? You get them over for a cup of tea before they genuinely do something stupid. Christ, they look awful, when was the last time they ate? You open your barren fridge and find half a jar of olives, some wilted spinach leaves, eight different varieties of pickle and even more of chilli sauce, and then, like a shining beacon of hope – hummus. There’ll be some carrots kicking around in the bottom of the salad drawer, because you compulsively buy both items at every one of your after-work trudges round the Sainsbury’s local, and your friend is saved. You have given them calories, caffeine, and condolences. Well done you.
Hummus literally just saved a life.
Daisy Jackson 